22 thoughts on “How Being In Public Feels: Men VS Women

  1. This is fantastic!
    Just have to add, since this is constantly coming up about women’s safety and those of us who taught self-defense have been trying to counter it since the Seventies — Do NOT ever think of using your keys to defend yourself.
    If you drop them, you have no way into your car or home. If you try to use them with the keys between your fingers, you will lacerate your hand for no reason, as well as holding back because of knowing instinctually that the areas between fingers are extremely vulnerable.
    It’s best to have a real weapon that also will not blow back into your eyes (like mace can.) If a real weapon doesn’t seem possible to carry, walking sticks/umbrellas can be used to fight off multiple attackers without having to get close. But if you do want a substitute for keys, carry pens in your pocket and hold them tightly, with thumb guiding and do a jab to the eyes. When in danger, any good hit to the eyes can stop any attacker, no matter how strong. But don’t hit once and run. Make sure they can’t follow.
    So much more to say about self defense for girls and women that should be taught as soon as girls start school and continue weekly. If males thought they’d get seriously hurt attacking girls and women, they would stop.

    1. You can buy key rings that can be used like spike knuckles but look like a kitty cat pendant. Those are good to hold instead of keys.

      1. Be sure to check the law in your area. They’re illegal in some places. I advocate for an ax handle. Low cost, legal everywhere and a 12″ easily fits in a bag or backpack. I used to work late at bars and such and would walk out at all hours with an ax handle in my hand. No one ever bothered me.

    2. Thank you for the excellent information. I heard someone on TV say that if you use your fist, use the BACK of your hand, not your knuckles because it is easy to injure your hand that latter way. I totally agree that all females should be taught self-defense and that most males would stop assaulting females if they thought they were going to be seriously hurt.

      1. The last thing women should worry about is “straining their laydee bodies” defending from a male attack. Your knuckles are strong. Use your boney knuckles to bash his nose all the way up into his brain. Give it everything you’ve got. Pull his fucking eyes out. Finish him. Stop his attack. Make it home to your loved ones and kids.

      2. I mean, it is good not to hurt your hand, but knuckles are painful when shoved into someone’s nose or eyes. Couple tips I know, though: Don’t make a fist by balling your hand around your thumb, as you could break your thumb, and the fist(without thumb), will be smaller and more effective, force-wise. Also, men tend to punch straight out, unless they’ve had training(most haven’t). They can hit that way with a lot of force because of upper body strength. Women can’t do this as well, so it’s more effective to punch by pivoting with your lower body. Takes a little practice, but worth the trouble.

  2. Like the contrast of womens’ daily concerns from male violence/society the screen gets physically dark vs males which is light candyland funny.

  3. Excellent advice, if all men knew that women would have weapons, would think nothing of jabbing the man’s eyes out for attacking, if all men KNEW FOR SURE that women would fight back hard, and really damage men for life, well, they’d just leave women alone. I have a strong believer in being VERY HOSTILE to men in public, yelling at them, making them fear me, and this hostile energy of THEY ARE ENEMY always, makes that energy keep men away. Men need to know that they should NEVER mess with women. Women just speak up, say how much you HATE the male perving creeps out there, just say it loud and proud stop giving a damn about the pigs, make all women safe.

    1. I strongly suspect that if men knew that women will fight back, they’d just increase their male violence. Individually, (rapists would carry weapons) as well as on a societal level (more misogyny).
      No doubt women did fight back in the time when men started patriarchy. Men must have crushed the resistance with more violence, so that now, women do not dare to fight anymore.
      Fighting back is an individual solution, as a society, we need to find a way to pull patriarchy out at the root and make sure it never returns.

      1. Of course we should end patriarchy but in the meantime, if women did seriously defend ourselves, no, male violence would not increase. In terms of how patriarchy became entrenched, there are a number of ways that women were lured to invest and defend it, which we still see happening now.
        Why try to discourage women from fighting back? We need individual solutions when we have nothing else.
        When we taught self defense classes, we heard that the police highly publicized teaching women to shoot in a US city and the rape rate plummeted.
        We need to stop thinking of males as all powerful and women as weak. There are many ways women and girls also can adequately defend ourselves. Some method deal well with multiple attackers.
        Even just being ready to fight, as women are saying here, can stop men from targeting you.

        1. I agree with @sellmaeth. Individual defense is not the solution. Men are built for violence. Generations of patriarchy have bred for it. We need a profound societal movement against male violence: by any means necessary. Until we make that happen: defend, defend, defend: by any means necessary. I don’t see these positions as oppositional. Use everything we’ve got. Urgently and immediately.

      2. @sellmaeth–
        Any method used to dismantle patriarchy will still require many individual actions. One woman fighting back might only save herself, but one woman of every ten fighting back will make some men worry about attacking us, which starts to change the game.
        I didn’t think Medi’s comment advocated fighting back as merely an individual solution, and I didn’t intend it that way in my own. If enough women are willing and able to defend themselves and other women, it serves as collective resistance to patriarchal control.

    2. “I have a strong believer in being VERY HOSTILE to men in public, yelling at them, making them fear me, and this hostile energy of THEY ARE ENEMY always, makes that energy keep men away.”
      This is similar to my own attitude. I’ve had other het women act surprised I’ve gotten so much less crap in public than they have, in spite of the fact that I’m smallish, and I suspect it’s very much a result of my being willing to make a man not merely sorry he tried something, but sorry he was born. We need more women and girls to act in such a way that men start to think, “Hey! These things fight back!” And it doesn’t’t even have to be every woman, just a high enough percentage that men feel attacking a woman is risky.
      But I was raised working-class, with the idea that no one out there would give a damn about my well-being, so I’d better figure out how to protect myself. I’ve met too many middle and upper middle class women who seem actually to have been trained NOT to defend themselves, because that wouldn’t be “nice” or ladylike or something. When the topic of self-defense came up in college, I even heard one or two women say it was wrong to fight back physically against a rapist because he might get hurt!

      1. Hmm, I wonder if that’s part of why I don’t get much hassle, down to attitude, although I’m also petite (…well, titchy)? My mum says I send out ‘keep away vibes’, although I’m not doing it on purpose, really (stranger rape is rare, so although I can’t fully enjoy the dark any more after getting hassled, I’m not super-worried in public, maybe the confidence comes across). I figured it’s because I don’t intentionally perform femininity (I wear my hair long, but I don’t do anything to it), since doing so is taken as a come on signal in itself (I’d kind of be inclined to focus on affirming women, without blaming them, with not going overboard with it, because -tbh, here- no duh if you go out half-dressed looking noticeably ridiculous you’ll attract attention, including from dudes who basically just think it’s funny to bother you, because they’re jerks like that and they’re oblivious to how unnerving it can be. Again I really don’t want to be blamey, but if you act like you have self-respect as a woman, you sometimes get treated with more, in casual settings at least – at work you might get more pushback), and I’m not really sure how much hassle average looking young women get, compared to very conventionally attractive women. I get the impression it’s worse in the US, too.
        Good vid, anyway. I wish I could sleep peacefully in this weather with the window open, bet that doesn’t worry dudes much either.

    3. I call it an intimidating presence. And I’m old enough to remember when women were told NOT to fight back if attacked. And I’m old enough to remember when it was found that women who fought back were far less likely to be raped and injured.
      Men already use weapons to attack and rape women, so I don’t see carrying a weapon oneself as causing greater male violence as long as YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT and are prepared to do so.

  4. The book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is a great resource. He also has a book geared for children. I have given copies to family and friends. I also raised my daughter to never look like prey, to move confidently through the world. We used to ride around looking at women, to see how they projected: prey or not. It was a great demonstration tool.

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