I’m typing this on a caviar-smeared blackberry from the VanityFair afterparty on the biggest most glamorous awards night of the year, that’s right it’s the Academy Awards!! We’re swimming in Cristal, the “lines” in the bathrooms are long 😉 , I hear taffeta tearing in the distance, and Nick Nolte keeps trying to steal my gift bags. And I’m sitting at the WINNERS table, baby! It’s MY NIGHT. The night of my Lifetime Achievement Award!!!! No, not a stupid Lifetime Achievement Award from the Academy like the silly one Oprah Winfrey got tonight.
My prestigious award came from respected Transgriot blogger Monica “Fishy” Roberts! That’s right! GenderTrender WINS “Fishy’s” 2012 “Lifetime Achievement Award”- AND IT’S MY FIRST NOMINATION! What greater possible honor could I receive?
“Fishy” Roberts is so known for his charming (?) affectation of calling the females he impersonates “Fish” and “Fishy”, (as in: “Some of my young sistahs that wish to transition either don’t have the funds or don’t want to give hormone replacement therapy the time required to make them look ‘fishy'”). He was honored this year with the creation of an actual STATE LAW in response to his propensity for threatening to “pimp slap” lesbians and feminists, and for hosting and participating in gruesome bloody death threats against a lesbian activist on his public facebook wall.
What an honor for GenderTrender (which he calls a “radfem trans hate blog”) to win the 2012 “Group Award” (who is the “group”? Presumably all of YOU, my lovely readers and commenters! So CONGRATULATE YOURSELVES! Yes, the trans commenters too- PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK! I couldn’t have won this without you!)
Also winning this year is
“radfem trans hate blogger” gay male activist Dan Savage! Congrats Dan! Keep up the good work!
You LIKE ME! You REALLY LIKE ME! And I’m going to LIKE YOU RIGHT BACK! I’m going to SPREAD THE LIKE! Thank you for this lifetime honor! (tears up a little) I’m going to make sure my work continues to LIVE UP to this HONOR you have bestowed on me. (blows kiss).
I also want to thank my agent, and the stylist that found me the awesome Valentino haute couture that I wore for the occasion. (Presenter Monica “Fishy” Roberts wore flats and was accessorized by a “six inch neo-clit”.)