“Ex-Lesbian” Mental Health counselor Xander “Sly” Sarkisova posted to The Scavenger a list of what she called “quite clearly inappropriate, and sometimes abusive behaviour on the part of some friends, family, lovers and partners of trans people. The following behaviours go beyond mere ignorance of trans issues and land squarely in the category of harming others”. [sic]
Well that’s all well and good. We all have a responsibility to speak out against abuse, especially those in the healing professions.
You can read them for yourselves and see what you think. But what stood out to me and every other Lesbian was number 10, the last of the list:
10) Refusing to date trans women, especially those who identify with having cocks, or who haven’t had “bottom surgery” – particularly if you identify as lesbian. Viewing dating a trans woman as some form of accomplishment and indication that you have challenged transphobia. What is wrong with this? Tying your refusal to date trans women with your lesbian identity reifies your inability to see trans women for who they truly are. It denigrates their identity and presentation and signals your perception that they are “less than” women.
It is not an accomplishment to see someone for who they truly are (especially related to gender) – it is a basic ability as a human.
Furthermore, if you are into rubber cocks and penetration yet you refuse to date trans women with cocks, penises, or pussies that are different from yours you are arbitrarily discriminating against these women based on their transness or transsexuality (credit to Alaska b. for this point). What can I do differently? Don’t talk about how rad you are for crushing on or dating trans women. Don’t treat or talk about it with friends as some kind of new project for yourself.
Start to deconstruct some of your transmisogyny and how your behaviour is not tied to a lack of desire, but rather your unwillingness to validate transfemale realness.
Do work around unpacking the “cis” male privilege you are incorrectly transposing on trans female bodies, whether they have cocks or not.”
Whoa, WHAT? Lesbian refusal to date people with cocks is inappropriate and abusive to people with cocks? Lesbians should “deconstruct” their lack of desire for cock? Whaaaaat?????
Refusing to date people with cocks is inappropriate and abusive “particularly if you are lesbian” “? What on earth? Is that the most homophobic thing you have ever heard? That Lesbians who don’t want cock are “inappropriate and abusive”, and that Lesbians should “deconstruct” our lack of desire for dick and that our dick eschewing is not related to a lack of desire for dick, but our “unwillingness to validate transfemale realness”?
What sort of mental health provider would advise Lesbians to ignore their lack of desire for penis and advocate that they have sex with dicks they do not desire, lest they offend the penis owner? What sort of Lesbian corrective reparative rape type sicko “therapy” is this? What sort of mental health provider would tell any woman to have sex that they do not desire? What sort of therapist would instruct Lesbians that sexual orientation to female bodies is not okay? What sort of mental health provider would tell Lesbians that liking penetration from a partner means they like penis? What kind of horrendous mental health advice is dismissing women’s lack of sexual desire out of concern for the sexual urges of the males who want them? And why “particularly” for Lesbians, instead of say, straight men who also don’t want cock? Pure blatant homophobia and female-hatred.
This hateful anti-Lesbian sexist homophobia is disgusting- just awful coming from a mental health provider. But this story gets worse. Much much worse.
A Lesbian left a comment on Xander Sarkisova’s blog post stating that it is homophobic and re-dick-ulous to tell Lesbians that it’s not okay to forgo the peen. The comment was left in moderation and unpublished. Hours later, the Lesbian got an incredible message from an unrelated Feminist Blogger. They had received a bizarre threatening comment from a representative of the Toronto Sherbourne Health Center which called out the Lesbian by name, warning her they knew where she lived, and publishing her private home address, along with menacing commentary about her being “vapid and soulless” and the Sherbourne Health Center representative’s “homeboy”. What???? The Lesbian could not imagine why the Toronto Sherbourne Health Center would do such a thing! Well, surprise surprise, Xander “Sly” Sarkisova claims to work at the Sherbourne Health Center. Apparently she sent out the threatening, stalkery abusive comment on her work computer, terminal 22.214.171.124 at the Toronto Sherbourne Health Center.
Why did she do that? Because the “ex-lesbian” was angry that a Lesbian would take issue with her homophobia. So she stalked her, and threatened her, from her computer terminal at her employers Toronto Sherbourne Health Center, where she claims to be employed helping people.
The homophobia of “specifically” Lesbians needing to get over their “lack of desire” for cock wasn’t bad enough, she had to stalk and threaten a woman as a representative of the Toronto Sherbourne Health Clinic.
Note to abusive stalkers of Lesbians like Xander Sarkisova: If you really need to threaten Lesbians because they disagree with your opinion that Lesbians should learn to love the cock, and you intend to abuse them and stalk them to their home, and post that information online, best not to do it on your work computer.
I have screencaps of everything. I’m holding back on posting until I ascertain if the woman wants to sue the Toronto Sherbourne Health Clinic for threatening her and her family.